We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
