woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
