my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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