areolas are like halos for boobs.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
