that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
