Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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