A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
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Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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