ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
