Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
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