i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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