"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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