I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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