Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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