he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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