Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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