My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
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It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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