Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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