do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
