Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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