JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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