So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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