im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
