He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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