dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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