I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize