I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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