You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
time to smoke my breakfast
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
