I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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