mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize