What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
