Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
