We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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