what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
