Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
