That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
