My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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