My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize