By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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