Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
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I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
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One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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