I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
