if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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