babies were throwing up all over the place
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
