You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
BRING THE BAGELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize