The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
