eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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