I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He uses pillows to masturbate.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
