i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
