im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
