Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
