I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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