Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You were trust falling into bushes
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize