you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A+ Viking dick
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
