Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
