If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I will pee on everything he values.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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