I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
