i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
