Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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