is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
