I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
