i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Randomize
