remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
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