ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
